I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
