sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
