We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What a dumb baby whore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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