I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
