Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
