Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize