he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
