OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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