note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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