went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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