Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
