Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
