WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
