I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
