Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
