On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
