I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
