you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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