i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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