Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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