i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
