so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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