I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
