First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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