I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
