If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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