I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
