Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come share oat with me in your robe
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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