none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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