She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My bed smells like the plague
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
