That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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