dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
