This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
