i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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