I'm sorry my penis didn't work
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
