My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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