In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
