so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
