I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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