I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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