I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
