you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
