it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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