This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
