I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
