playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
