i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
