hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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