I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
