Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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