We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
