Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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