When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
